Keeping Secrets

What is the opposite of a dirty little secret? Nobody ever talks about those. I suppose they're the kind nobody really bothers to keep hidden, since they're not dirty or little, so they don't get a title. But keeping a secret makes me feel alone, even a good secret. Especially a good secret. So I busted out the old blog to share my secret with potentially a universe full of total strangers. (If you happen to stumble across this, do me a favor and don't read my old posts.)

We're having a baby. It feels good to just say it. Neither of us like a lot of attention so we haven't made a big announcement or posted monthly belly photos on Facebook like everyone else does. But apparently not having any attention on something like this is pretty sad.

I shouldn't say "not having any attention"...People from work know and most family knows, they're just all verrrrrry far away. People would notice and care if we lived somewhere else, somewhere we knew people. But here it's just us and to beat that, I work from home so the only people I see most days are myself and the hosts of The Chew. (Clinton Kelly would totally have something to say about my sad sad 1st trimester fashion choices.)

My little brother used to come over every day during the first couple months and laugh when I fell asleep mid-sentence or started gagging for no reason or wanted to barf when we drove over a speed bump. Those were some fun months. We haven't spent that much time together in all the years since I left for college. But  he has a job now and I don't have any funny symptoms anymore, so bummer.

Right now I'm not feeling pregnant at all. Like not even a little bit. I'm barely showing at 15 weeks, I feel 100% perfectly fine, I'm certainly not glowing, my food aversions seem to be over, I don't have mood swings, there's no movement yet...what else could be happening at this stage? I'm not entirely sure, but it's not happening. We heard the heartbeat a few weeks ago so we know there's a baby in there...it's just probably reading a book right now. I don't think there's anything wrong, I just have a very hard time comprehending that we're really going to have a new human being in our lives in about 5 more months without a little more evidence.

Thankfully, Rares has an easier time believing I'm pregnant than I do. He likes to rub my stomach, discuss how we should raise our kids, and wait on me, hand and foot. I have to remind myself that I am still capable of doing things for myself, and not just let him do everything for me. That's a funny problem to have. Of course Mom says he'll get over that quickly, but it's very much in his character to be generously helpful. Why do people always say such terrible things about marriage? I get really sick of hearing how certain things are supposed to wear off or fade over the years.

But at least that reminds me of one of the benefits of not loudly announcing this pregnancy to the world: I don't have to listen to everyone's baby advice and pregnancy horror stories. Before I had my wisdom teeth cut out, people looooved to tell me all the dreadful things that happened to them and each of their distant cousins during wisdom teeth extraction, but I had an awesome experience. (Granted, I had a beard shaped bruise all around my face for a couple weeks.) I'll never understand why people delight in sharing the most gruesome details and so rarely share the positive ones.

I'm glad I'll have positive stories to share.

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

It's incredible how quickly life changes. How in three weeks the things I knew for sure, the things I was looking forward to and planning for could be tossed up in the air, scattered about and left to fall where they may. My Prince lost his job yesterday. Although he didn't see it coming, he was not surprised to be laid off. His company has been quietly losing ground for a year now and it made sense that they had to let people go. It didn't make sense that they let him go, however.

But here we are now. Unsure if any of our former plans will work out. But sure that some new plans will definitely work out, just not sure which ones. I've never held tightly to the delusion that we're in control; I've always been okay with life going its own way, however God moves. But apparently in the last year of having things our way we've gotten very comfortable with it being our way and now this makes me a little nervous, deep down inside.

What's that burning smell?

Day 15

These could be photos of me in 7th grade. Tallest girl in my class, still growing. All my shorty short friends are jealous of the fact that my shins ache every day from the bones stretching too quickly for my body to keep up (or whatever it is that causes "growing pains").  Oh yeah, and my clothes are always too short. Without exception. Bony wrists and ankles always begging for the forbidden spotlight.

But alas, these photos were taken yesterday and I am 27 years old and yet my dress has definitely gotten shorter since the last time I wore it. And 3 of my favorite skirts, as well. I blame it on our dumb laundromat dryers- you know the ones, they dry so hot that you have to toss your clothes in hell to cool them off. And I keep forgetting that my clothes are shrinking, so I keep wearing things like this to work and getting- ahem- some unwanted attention.

Looks like I'll have to get a whole new wardrobe once we buy a  house and our own laundering machines. Bummer.

Sweet! I can't wait. Join us, will you?

Cheating Sunday

That's right, you read it. Cheating Sunday. Today I cheated on the 30 for 30 challenge, I cheated on my skincare regimen, I cheated on that diet that I'm not on and if I had thought to do our taxes today, I may have cheated on them, as well. 

We spent most of today out of the house, which is pretty rare for us, on a weekend. Knowing my metabolism, I estimated that I would need 3 small meals + breakfast and lunch in the time we were gone, so I absent-mindedly grabbed a sleeve of Thin Mints as we ran out the door. Thin Mints? Geez. Usually I tote around squeeze packs of almond butter, fruit, granola, even bacon (ok, that was just once), but today I was packing the Girl Scout cookies. And I must say, they did the trick! I probably won't rely on them to sustain my life ever again, but they definitely kept me out of hunger danger. 

It's unfortunate that hunger danger doesn't rhyme quite as well as stranger danger, because I'd say it much more frequently if it did.

This week may have been insane, but I did get to spend some of it in my very very favorite Phoenix places. 

Home of the Best Carne Asada in the Valley. Don't doubt it! I had it twice in two days...

Home of the best homemade, local ingredients in the world...in my opinion.

You can't beat their coffee and I learn new Phoenix stuff every time we visit.

anyone know a cure for insomnia?

Day 14

Man oh man, does insomnia suck. I came home from work earlyish (still late, but only by 45 minutes) today, all psyched about making dinner and baking some whoopie pies, but as soon as I got home I realized I could barely keep my eyes open! So I threw together a pretty great dinner and as soon as my prince got home and we ate, I hit the hay. Literally, at 6:30 pm. Wow. But...um...it's 9:30 now and I am wide wide wiiiiide awake. What on earth? I couldn't even stand up, I was so tired, but as soon as I get in bed there is no remote possibility of sleeping. Maybe I should just resign to sleeping on the kitchen floor.

So I've made a little tent over my laptop so he can carry on snoozing and snoring without interruption.  

In other news: I've always been kind of frustrated that I don't seem to have a waist. One more alien quality to go along with my freakish fingers and two noses, right? Great. But I just found out about Shabby Apple dresses via Blue Collar Catwalk and I think they solved my problem in 3 simple questions! Check out their "fit to flatter" page, which tells you what kind of dresses you'll look best in, based on your body type- which they tell you, by the way.( I never would have guessed I'm an apple.) I'm always wearing belts to try to emphasize my waist but my shoulders are as wide as my ribs are as wide as my hips, pretty much. But hey, Shabby Apple makes dresses just for my shape (and yours), so who cares if I'm an apple or a kumquat!

Wooeeee! So perfect for me!

And I know you were curious about this uber-fab flower I'm wearing, so here she is in all her glory. This thing started off as a single level flower for a hat I was crocheting and then I decided "why stop with one?" and proceeded to add 3 more layers. Uh huh, that's just how I crochet. Overkill, overkill, overkill, baby! And after a few weeks of jokes from my coworkers (who are mostly all male), they have given up and fallen in love with the 5 inch crocheted corsage.

By the way, the best way to deflect jokes about your garish homemade accessories is to say "I made one that matches your truck/tie/uniform/etc. perfectly, should I bring it in for you?" OR "Your wife/gf asked me to make one for her, too. Would she prefer neon colors or glitter?" There's really not much they can say to either of those. So ha, joke's on them!

p.s. I cheated with my shoes today. 12 hour workdays in heels have left my feet numb and I didn't include any office-friendly flats in my 30 for 30 wardrobe. Stupid? You bet.

Day 13

That's me falling asleep as my dear husband snaps a grand total of 3 pictures of my outfit- with my iphone, of course.



This is my loyal alpaca pin, Mike. He helps me make friends. No joke! Nothing makes a stranger talk to you quite like wearing a fuzzy alpaca on your shirt.

I know there should have been a day 12 in there, somewhere, but I missed it. I promise I got dressed that day, and I distinctly recall thinking it was my best getup yet, but I got home from work at 8:30 (that's called a 13 hour day, folks) and probably fell asleep in my car. This challenge and my silly schedule are not getting along so well!

But alas, it's been a fast, challenging, stressful, awesome week. One of my favorite people in our company dropped by for a couple days, and he always brings a whirlwind of wisdom and shenanigans with him. In my opinion, that's the best combination a person can have- deep intelligence, interest in others and a killer sense of humor. He came to do interviews and he left us with the two best questions YOU as an interviewee can ever ask. Are you ready?

1: What on my resume makes you (the interviewer) think I'm a great fit for this job?
If they can't answer that then you're probably not a great fit, but if they can answer, then they can practically talk themselves into hiring you!
2: What will I need to do in my first 6 months here to make you look good (he might have said first year, I can't remember)?

Brilliant, right? I am horrible in interviews- I swear I have no clue how I am employed- but these questions could completely change that! Not that I'm looking for a job, I'm definitely not. But hopefully they'll help someone who's reading this! If they do, please let me know!!


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