What is the opposite of a dirty little secret? Nobody ever talks about those. I suppose they're the kind nobody really bothers to keep hidden, since they're not dirty or little, so they don't get a title. But keeping a secret makes me feel alone, even a good secret. Especially a good secret. So I busted out the old blog to share my secret with potentially a universe full of total strangers. (If you happen to stumble across this, do me a favor and don't read my old posts.)
We're having a baby. It feels good to just say it. Neither of us like a lot of attention so we haven't made a big announcement or posted monthly belly photos on Facebook like everyone else does. But apparently not having any attention on something like this is pretty sad.
I shouldn't say "not having any attention"...People from work know and most family knows, they're just all verrrrrry far away. People would notice and care if we lived somewhere else, somewhere we knew people. But here it's just us and to beat that, I work from home so the only people I see most days are myself and the hosts of The Chew. (Clinton Kelly would totally have something to say about my sad sad 1st trimester fashion choices.)
My little brother used to come over every day during the first couple months and laugh when I fell asleep mid-sentence or started gagging for no reason or wanted to barf when we drove over a speed bump. Those were some fun months. We haven't spent that much time together in all the years since I left for college. But he has a job now and I don't have any funny symptoms anymore, so bummer.
Right now I'm not feeling pregnant at all. Like not even a little bit. I'm barely showing at 15 weeks, I feel 100% perfectly fine, I'm certainly not glowing, my food aversions seem to be over, I don't have mood swings, there's no movement yet...what else could be happening at this stage? I'm not entirely sure, but it's not happening. We heard the heartbeat a few weeks ago so we know there's a baby in there...it's just probably reading a book right now. I don't think there's anything wrong, I just have a very hard time comprehending that we're really going to have a new human being in our lives in about 5 more months without a little more evidence.
Thankfully, Rares has an easier time believing I'm pregnant than I do. He likes to rub my stomach, discuss how we should raise our kids, and wait on me, hand and foot. I have to remind myself that I am still capable of doing things for myself, and not just let him do everything for me. That's a funny problem to have. Of course Mom says he'll get over that quickly, but it's very much in his character to be generously helpful. Why do people always say such terrible things about marriage? I get really sick of hearing how certain things are supposed to wear off or fade over the years.
But at least that reminds me of one of the benefits of not loudly announcing this pregnancy to the world: I don't have to listen to everyone's baby advice and pregnancy horror stories. Before I had my wisdom teeth cut out, people looooved to tell me all the dreadful things that happened to them and each of their distant cousins during wisdom teeth extraction, but I had an awesome experience. (Granted, I had a beard shaped bruise all around my face for a couple weeks.) I'll never understand why people delight in sharing the most gruesome details and so rarely share the positive ones.
I'm glad I'll have positive stories to share.